Book of Love Read online

  I moved from the wall to the ground, crawling on hands and knees to the window. I peeked over the ledge. Jane sat on her bed, her hand resting on her chest and her eyes looking at the ceiling. I felt a lump in my throat rise, watching her hand as it touched her skin. She was still beautiful, but an empty shell. How could I justify my new feelings for Emily without hurting Jane? But then again, would she even care? This was what Jane wanted, after all.

  My eyes hurt just watching her. She did not love me, and she never would. I reached up and grabbed the cord to the blinds, carefully tugging. I lowered them as I tried to remain inconspicuous, hoping she didn’t notice.

  There was a knock on my bedroom door then, and I jumped. I leaned against the wall under the window, bracing myself as the pity I felt for Jane changed to excitement toward Emily’s presence.

  “Come in.” My voice was rough in my throat.

  The door squeaked open and Emily stuck her head in. A sweet smile filled her lips, and the tension in my chest subsided. The confusion over Jane changed to an obvious decision. Emily was who I really wanted.

  “Hi.” She stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. I noticed a stack of thin but large books in her hand.

  “What are those?” I pushed myself away from the wall, my knees dragging across the floor.

  Emily knelt and sat cross legged on the floor, tossing the books into my lap. I picked one up, twisting it in my hand to read it. My upper lip pursed with interest.

  “Animals of the Amazon?” The cover was illustrated for children. I ran my fingers over the waxy image of an exotic bird.

  She nodded, grabbing her ankles with her hands and leaning forward. She grasped the cover and opened to a random page. “See. I thought that…”

  There was an image of a large python. I swallowed, feeling my body begin to tingle and ache. I forced the book from under her hand and slammed it shut.

  “Em, what are you doing?” Sweat began to seep from my pores as a wave of heat trickled from my head to the tips of my fingers.

  Emily was watching me as though I were some sort of experiment. She tilted her head curiously, rocking back onto her tailbone. I glanced at her stomach as she stretched. She was wearing a short shirt, her skirt ruffling around her thighs. Dirt from where she fell out of the car still stained her knees. I looked away, cursing to myself as I wished she’d sit differently.

  Emily smirked, knowing what I’d thought.

  I tilted my head, curious. “Just what can you hear exactly?”

  She smiled and shrugged.

  “Come on, Em. I’ve practically spilled my heart out here. I mean look at me, I’m sweating like a fool over a picture of a python. Give a little.”

  Emily looked me in the eyes, my thoughts screaming to know. “I know just about everything you think I know.”

  My amusement faded. “Everything? Even…”

  Emily narrowed her eyes, my thoughts pouring over every thought I’d had toward Jane today. I cursed under my breath. I then thought about every thought I’d had of her, feeling a warm tingle pulse through my blood.

  She smiled, despite the previously hurt look from my initial thoughts. “Listen, Wes. I get it, I do. Its human nature to be confused and I’m alright with that. I’m prepared to go along with whatever is ahead. Right now I’m just excited to have someone who knows. Someone I can talk to about issues I’ve never shared with anyone. And I’m okay with knowing what you think. In a way, it’s nice.”

  I shook my head. “But, it’s horrible! I feel horrible that—”

  Emily put her hand up to stop me. “I know, Wes, but because I can hear what you’re thinking, I can also hear your confusion. You don’t need to try and explain it to me.”

  I stared at her, afraid of my thoughts.

  “Don’t be, Wes. Think what you want. I’ve dealt with the fact that there is no such thing as a secret for all my life. I know my mother thinks I’m a horrible daughter, but I also know that despite all that, she does love me. I know Jane thinks I’m a lost cause and will end up a poll dancer one day,” I laughed. “But I’m okay with that, too. I’m okay because I know who I am, and I’m none of those things. It’s always been that way.”

  I nodded, understanding what she meant. It was something she was born with, so to her, dealing with thoughts was common place.

  “Besides, it’s not like I hear every thought, especially when I take something. I know it’s horrible, and it’s seriously messing with my health but… drugs make it all go away. So, you see my reasons for taking them.”

  “You really shouldn’t take them, Em. There must be a better way,” I know it sounded like I was trying to be the hypocritical parent, but perhaps she would listen to me.

  Shame glimmered in her eyes as she fidgeted with her hands.

  I felt her despair and isolation. “How can you handle it? I mean, I’ve seen how some of the boys you buy drugs from look at you. I could only imagine what it would be like to also know what they think.” Just realizing what I thought about her made it worse.

  Emily rolled her eyes and laughed. “It’s a necessary means to and end, and after a while, it just becomes humorous. I mean, they’ll play out whole scenes—”

  I squirmed, and she caught onto my discomfort.

  She shrugged. “Well, I mean, you get the picture.”

  My eyes were wide as I nodded. “Yeah.” I changed the subject. “Make me a deal, though. No more drugs, for either of us. We have each other. Let’s just be real for once, not numb.”

  Emily smiled. “I guess I can do that.”

  I smiled back. “Good.”

  She picked up the book between us, tracing the cover with her finger. I’d almost forgotten about it.

  “I brought these because I was curious. That’s all. I know you became that bird, but what if it were a fox that we’d seen in the woods, or a snake?” She removed her Converse and adjusted her plaid knee socks. “What if you can be anything you want?”

  I couldn’t stop watching her, but she didn’t seem to mind the attention, either. My ears were alive as I listened to her hand graze the soft skin on her legs. “I—I don’t know.” I stuttered, unable to stop my lecherous thoughts.

  Emily smiled, knowing.

  I tried to concentrate on something else, finding that when I pushed the thoughts of her away, the image of the snake in the book was now slithering across my mind. The image began to mix with the emotion I felt toward Emily. I was over-stimulated, and Emily’s presence was making the urges and pain in my muscles hard to subdue. I heard her heart beating—it was even and soft like a drum.

  Emily grabbed one of the other books, flipping it open and scanning the page. She had a dangerous look on her face, her crimson lips curled with amusement. I was scared. She turned the book to face me, a picture of a small monkey on the page. I let out a painful laugh.

  “Em, stop.”

  Emily pushed the book closer to my face. “Wes, look at it,” she urged.

  I refused and shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. She did not budge, and I couldn’t help but slowly draw my attention back. I looked at her eyes as she peered over the top of the book, seeing they were now deeper then they had ever been. I listened to her breathing, the ache in my body seeping into my bones.

  I looked down at the monkey, gazing into its eyes. I felt as though I could feel its heart beating, though it was just a picture. It began to come alive in my own heart, the rate of it unlike anything I’d felt before. I gave up and let go of the pain as I felt my muscles give in. Hair sprouted from my skin, my body shrinking closer to the ground.

  Here we go again.

  Jane:

  I was a horrible person, and now I really was left with no one. Who could I call? Who could I talk to? I’d destroyed my only friendship, and my efforts to save my sister had failed. She still hated me, if not more than before. My whole world had stopped because of my infatuation with Max—my head crowded with images of him.

  I looked o
ut the window, seeing that Wes’s blinds were now shut. He hated me. I knew this because his foreseen death had changed, showing him lying in a field of grass, me standing over him with a bloody knife. I didn’t need much more proof than that, and it didn’t take a genius to see why he hated me.

  I lay back against the pillow as my body went weak. Every inch of my skin tingled. I needed to sleep, I needed to dream. There I felt something more than I did while I was awake. Though the death I saw would strike fear into the hearts of most, it was something that brought me a terrifyingly strange sense of comfort. My father’s death had changed me, giving me a lust for the horrible images in my dreams. I felt like a freak, but it didn’t mean that I was a murderer, or an evil being. At least that’s what I hoped.

  I forced my eyes shut, listening to the silence of the house. My thoughts became blurred, and soon I fell asleep.

  In my dream, the mists surrounded me. The familiar smell of crisp cold air, tinged with the metallic scent of blood, sent shivers down my spine, but not the shivers you’d expect. I filled my chest with the sweet air, exhaling away my anxieties and finding that for a moment, I felt I belonged.

  When I opened my eyes, I wasn’t surprised to see that Max was standing beside me. I looked up at him, watching his neck tighten and relax as he breathed deep, enjoying the smell of this place in the same way I did. His hand grazed mine as it sat limp at my side. I looked down, watching as his fingers traced the ridge of my knuckles. Tonight, there was no blood on my hands.

  Feeling confident, I grasped his hand and turned toward him. “Max…”

  His head turned toward me, his blue eyes illuminated by the misty dream. He lifted his finger to my lips, silencing me. “Just listen,” was all he said.

  I turned my head and looked forward into the mist. I listened, hearing silence, hearing nothing at all. My skin prickled, sensing another’s presence beside me. I felt someone grab my other hand, the grip firmer that Max’s had been. It was filled with a similar feeling of attachment to this place. Shocked, I turned to look at this new visitor. Another boy stood beside me, his features dark but his grasp sweet. He had similar features to those of Max, but sharper, and more defined by frustration.

  I knew from the rumors at school that Max had a brother, a twin brother, though they were not identical. I’d not yet seen him, but I knew that this was him.

  I turned back to Max, seeing that his face was suddenly angry. Max tried to pull me away from his brother, but his brother’s grasp on my hand was too intoxicating. I couldn’t let go. I turned back to face the brother, drawn by a stronger power that pulsed through my hand. I let go of Max, hearing the brother’s name speak softly in my head.

  “Gregory,” I whispered it back, suddenly knowing his name and wanting to say it out loud. Gregory smiled and pulled me toward him as though we were dancing, his hand cupping my cheek. I leaned into his touch, unable to control myself. He knelt toward me as his lips parted. I did not move. I couldn’t resist him. Gregory kissed me, his lips cold but sweet, as though dusted with sugar. I kissed the flavor from them, but it quickly turned sour.

  I furrowed my brow and stepped away, wiping the bitter taste from my lips. Gregory smiled slyly. I felt tricked. I turned to find Max, seeing he was backing away from us, his eyes furious. My heart began to race, the pain of what I’d done shaking my bones.

  “Max!” I yelled, but he continued to back away. “Max, I didn’t mean to!”

  Gregory began to laugh behind me. I stumbled and fell to the ground as Max disappeared into the mist. I felt my hands sink into the Earth, and as I lifted them, they were covered in blood. My heart began to pound, and I felt the pain in me rise, drowning my lungs. I took a deep breath and tried to hold it, but it began to burn. I no longer cared. The scream released into the silent air, filling my dream with a harsh ring of agony.

  The scream was quickly silenced, and I looked back to where Max had been. He had returned through the mist, watching me with a pained expression. I looked back at Gregory, thankful to find that he was gone. Relief washed over me, and I struggled to stand. I ran toward Max, my hands stained. I halted before him, as everything else in this place did. He stood frozen, waiting, his features toward me cold and distant. I grabbed his hand, but he refused to respond to my touch. His eyes were blank. He was no longer there.

  “Max, come back, please.” I reached up, touching his face as I smeared his cheek with blood.

  His eyes flickered with life and he looked down at me, his jaw fixed. I touched the tips of my fingers to his lips, and then touched them to mine. He, too, tasted sweet like sugar, but the flavor lingered with the hint of mint, layered with a metallic flavor I’d grown used to. Max came back to me as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, his other hand locking behind my back possessively.

  “You’re mine,” he whispered.

  Emily:

  I laughed as Wes crawled toward me and into my arms. His coarse monkey hair was rough against my skin, his eyes darting about the room. He looked up at me with pursed lips, letting out a spurt of air that mimicked a laugh. His little hand reached up and touched my cheek, his tiny paw warm against my skin.

  I giggled. “Wes! Stop!”

  I continued to laugh. Finding I could barely breathe, I grasped Wes around the stomach and set him back on the ground. I took a moment to catch my breath and stop laughing. He watched me curiously, his eyes blinking rapidly.

  Regrouping, I flipped through the book, finding another animal for him to try. I felt my rebellious side surface, the image too intriguing to pass by. I tilted the page toward him, and his small hand grasped the paper. Wes tapped the image, letting out a diminutive noise as I heard his thoughts whisper in my head. He jumped up and down, shaking his head with his tail bobbing.

  The image was that of a lion, and though I knew he’d object, there wasn’t much he could control at the moment. Wes looked at me with fright in his tiny eyes, but I refused to allow his small monkey hand to turn the page. A low growl began to grow in his throat then, echoing off the walls of his room. I watched with delight as his body shifted and grew, the fur around his neck changing from a cool grey to a golden brown. The whole room shook as he let out a loud snarl, finishing the transformation.

  The floorboards creaked under his weight, his back close to four feet tall. He licked his lips as his tongue traced over his fangs. He nudged me and I fell over, falling on my tail bone, letting out a small cry of pain. He stepped toward me, looming above as my heart raced with fear. His hot breath fell across my face, his teeth bared. I tried not to be frightened, but it was hard to forget the lethality of this creature. I gazed into his golden eyes, my chest tight. Beneath it all, Wes was still there—and he was laughing.

  “Wes,” I whispered. His paw landed on my shoulder, pushing me against the floor. His lion face was beautiful, the fur layered against his skin in an array of golds. His eyes were the only thing that linked him to the person he once was, filled with overwhelming kindness and depth of emotion. I ran my hand across his fur as my fingers trembled. He licked my nose and I laughed, smiling at him. “Wes, stop.”

  I felt his body changing once more, and his massive mane began to shed. I was still pinned under his weight, and the licking changed to something else entirely. I felt his warm bare hand on my shoulder, still pushing me against the floor. He kissed my cheek, then my lips, his bare chest leaning against me. “I don’t want to stop,” he whispered.

  I pushed my body against him, my hands trailing down his now smooth back as I let myself enjoy the moment. I listened to the whispers in his head, hearing things I’d longed to hear. He kissed my neck, my hand, my cheek.

  What was Jane thinking?

  How could she not find Wes irresistible? I knew coming over here that triggering his talent also triggered his emotions, but I didn’t care. The sooner he could understand who I really was beyond what he’d previously thought, the sooner he would see that it was me he should have loved all along.

&nbs
p; “Wes,” I said his name one last time, but he silenced me with his mouth, refusing to let me stop him.

  His body against mine was luxurious, his hands covering every inch of my skin. I took a sharp intake of breath as his hand grazed across my stomach, reaching for my skirt. I froze as my innocence overcame me. Gripping his arm, and mustering all the strength I could, I rolled him over and pinned him to the ground—a feat not easily executed.

  “Wes, stop.”

  He was breathing hard, the fact of his near nudity a guiltless turn on. His hand rested on my upper thigh, inching up. My hand went quickly to his, stopping him.

  “Slow down, okay?” I’d lived the lie long enough.

  Wes stopped, smiling as he grabbed a nearby blanket, wrapping us both in it. He pulled the wool around me, pulling my head against his chest. My stomach lay against his, my arms shaking.

  His chin was resting on my head. “Sorry,” he apologized, but I knew he wasn’t all that sorry.

  “I just—” I bit my lip, my hand on his chest. For all I’d portrayed about my image, this lie was the worst. I wished he could hear what I thought. “I’ve never…” My words trailed, hoping he could fill in the blanks.

  Wes laughed, as though he didn’t believe me. “What?”

  “No, I’m serious.” I pushed away from him, looking into his golden eyes.

  He sat up, and I slid to his side. “Really? But you…”

  I felt ashamed, but it was my M.O. to make people think I was someone other than who I was. Then again, who in their right mind would want to lie about being a corrupted freak like me? But I did. It had kept people away from me. Besides, I’d wanted to stand out, especially to Wes, but no matter how hard I tried to get his attention, nothing had worked—until now. Though I feared this new boy Jane was hanging out with, at the same time, I loved that it had made Wes finally see that she would never love him the way he wanted, the way I could.

  “I’m barely sixteen, Wes. And I know that’s young. So what I’m saying is that I’m not stupid.” I knew that when I was fourteen, Jane was convinced I’d already lost my virginity. She hated me because of this, but in truth, she didn’t understand the fact that I could look the way I did and still have morals. It was the accusation on her part that had finally turned me against her. I stopped confiding in her like a sister, because no matter what I said or did, she just expected the worst from me based on appearances alone. It was a lost cause, and I’d given up. “Besides, Wes, like we discussed earlier—when you know what all those boys are thinking, it sort of takes the romance out of it.”